This is one time I totally hated to be right.

Yesterday when I got home, mom told me to check Tito Toto’s BP. Seems he hasn’t been feeling well for the last couple of days. He complained of malaise, of his thought process slowing down, of forgetting what he was about to say or that he was holding something and actually dropping whatever it is he’s holding, and of feeling numbness in his extremities. I did a PA/NA on him, asking him questions, trying to see what he could be suffering from. As I talked to him, heard what ailed him, I kept thinking and at the same time hoping it wasn’t CVA.

Then this morning I heard from mom that Tita Pes told her that Tito’s face ‘drooped’ the other night, and my suspicions only heightened. I insisted for Tito to get examined, have his blood, urine, etc and ECG readings checked. But I mostly told my mom that Tito should have his CNS and cardiovascular system checked cause all signs pointed to a possible stroke attack.

And like I said, this is one time I wish I wasn’t right. The Dr. Tioleco advised mom and Tita Pes to have Tito confined at the hospital for observation and to make sure he won’t have a stroke. Mom said the doctor’s referring him to a neurologist, and that it was good that he went for a checkup today coz it seems there really is a high possibility for him to suffer from a stroke if di naagapan. Haaaay. Shit.

One part of me is glad that my studies seem to have paid off somewhat, that because of my suspicions about my uncle's condition he is now getting treatment to prevent any worse complications from developing; but another part of me feels frustrated and angry and depressed that I can't do more than that. Gawds, it's frustrating to not be able to do anything to actually cure people the way doctors do. I wanna be able to legally treat people. I wanna be able to do more for them, not just do nursing diagnoses that are mostly just for palliative care.

Okay, fine. Prevention is better than cure, and I'm glad that through my physical assessment of my uncle I've been able to advise and make him agree to going for his checkup with his doctor, but shit... I hate the feeling that that's the only thing I can do for him. Shit, shit, SHIT!

This just makes me think that I need to study more. Maybe when I graduate, when I get a high enough paying job that will be able to support me and my family, I'll go to night classes and take up medicine.

Then again, when I think about the kind of responsibility doctors have, the fact that peoples' lives literally are on their hands, I get petrified. I don't want to be directly responsible in treating someone, what if I make a mistake? What if the patient dies? Then again, that could happen too with nurses, right? A little bit of miscalculation with the drug dosage or route of administration, or positioning a patient incorrectly, or... just the minutest of mistakes can cost someone their life. Thinking about it that way just makes me more scared, and mostly that's part of what drives me to study harder, so I'd know what I should do whatever the situation may be. I know that I still don't know a lot of things, and gawds... it rankles me that I don't know those things so I can cure people I know and care for.