I have a mean streak and can be a bully. That’s true, I admit it.

I really can’t explain it. I don’t know where it comes from. Just that sometimes, when I’m really pissed off or when someone really just ticks me off, my thoughts turn to things that I can do to that person to hurt him or her in the most painful and long-term way. I want to see that particular person writhing in pain. Maybe have rats slowly eat his eyes out, or something similar if not worse than that…

Hmmm… pain.

I’m suddenly reminded of the Way of the Leaf. It’s a concept found in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time; the principle behind the Tinker’s lifestyle. Never inflict pain. Instead of defending one’s life, you just run away when somebody wants to hurt you. Not necessarily because you’re afraid of the person who wants to hurt you, but because you don’t want this person to suffer the consequences of inflicting pain on you.

The ax that fells the tree does not come out unscathed. Although the tree dies, since it is cut down by the ax, the ax also inflicts damage upon itself by hurting the tree: the ax losses its sharpness. The tree’s sap corrodes its metal and the trunk’s hardness chips away its edge.

Same as when you inflict pain on another person. Try to slap a person and the hand that you used to slap that person with feels the sting of the slap. The harder the slap the more intense the sting you feel upon your palm.

Maybe this is the reason that I stop myself from doing what my mind makes me think up of when I’m angry and wanting to inflict pain on the person I’m angry with. I don’t want to damage myself irrevocably. In the end, maybe it’s just another form of self-preservation. Or maybe I’m just a coward. I don’t want to face the pain I am so seemingly willing to inflict.

Maybe other people are like me too. Can you imagine if we all didn’t control ourselves and just went about on a killing/torturing rampage whenever something pissed us off? Maybe that’s why we have consciences. Not to make us see and choose what’s right but to help us see and choose to do what’s practical.

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Kurl: Ei, belated Happy Birthday! sorry talaga I wasn't able to call and greet you during your bday. I thought it was on the 18th, tapos nakita ko yung naisulat ko dati na bdays nyo ng kapatid mo and I realized my mistake. Gomen... Anyways, hope you had a great day.

Ana: Me? Funny? Me? Hmmm... wonder why...?

Tin: Baka makita mo si Jenny Ramirez dun sa Clark. She's my classmate who's also in YFC and she told me about the conference sa Clark some time ago. Kalimutan ko nga lang na meron nga pala hehehe!