Death... then Life

Drinking: Twinings Vanilla Flavoured Black Tea w/ milk
Watching: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Downloading: Bleach (manga scanlation: Chapter 142)
Supposedly doing: typing a group paper for pharmacology due on Monday

Thursday, our last day at Balitukan District Hospital in Magalang, was hectic. We were in charge of the OPD in the morning, taking the vital signs of walk-in patients and then assisting the resident physicians examine the same patients for various (ranging from the usual cough and colds to mumps, thypoid fever, knife wounds, etc...) complaints. We then made rounds along the wards with another doctor and chanced on one giving a 66-year old woman an ECG. We watched and assisted in the procedure, learning where and how to put the instruments on the patient's chest then being taught what those squiggly lines on the paper meant. We left and took a break for lunch, and when we got back, we heard that the old woman who we saw had died of a heart attack. Myocardial Infarction, the same doctor in charge of her told us, shaking his head. We went back to her room and found her covered with white blanket, her bantay sitting quietly at her bedside with her eyes red. We said our condolences and left, mostly shaking our heads at how fast things happened. Then Kuya Dayao said something that didn't really sink in until now, he said, "Grabe no, ang bilis lang ng buhay ng tao."

It bothers me now because I feel we were too cold, too detached about the whole situation. True, she wasn't our patient, I don't even know what her name was. None of us in the group looked anywhere near saddened about her death because we simply didn't know her. Or maybe we were all just suppressing it, the sadness that we refused to feel and show to the others. It is just thought-provoking that after learning of what happened, it took us mere minutes before we were all laughing again, telling each other jokes. No one spoke about the old woman again the rest of the day. She was seemingly forgotten.

Being forgotten, I think, is the worst part about dying. I want people to miss me, I want them to grieve for losing me. It's rather selfish, but that's the way I feel. I do want them to move on with their lives without me, but I don't want to be forgotten. I hate the very idea.

This is why I feel bad for her, the old woman, because I'm guilty of doing to her the very thing that I'd hate to be done to me.


Later in the afternoon, I was chosen to assist three of my groupmates in the Delivery Room. After the first baby was delivered, Sir Aaron (our C.I. for last week) told me to be in charge of the cleaning, cord care, and dressing of the second baby (his name's Ian Calma. I know coz I asked his mother what she'll name him when I took him for rooming-in). I did quite well, I think. Didn't feel as nervous as when I helped care for Curt (refer to my July 21 post). Then helped with another baby, this one a girl whose name I didn't get to find out. Ian and the baby girl were just too CUTE for words ^_^ My groupmates were shaking their heads at me for being so ecstatic and all smiles while I was holding and caring for them. I was wearing a smile during the ride home, and though I was so tired from work I still had enough energy to tell my mom about my day, specifically about the babies, when I got home.

Thing is, I didn't tell her about the old lady's death that night. I told her the next day and she merely told me to pray for the old woman's soul.

It's just so weird... and I dunno... ironic. That I went through the extreme contrast of life in one day. Experienced a death, then helped bring out new lives... And as I sit here now, remembering all their faces, the old woman and the babies, I can't help but feel sad and happy at the same time and marvel about life.

Anyway, enough about the philosophical chatter, here are a few online quizzes I answered recently:

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Ululani Kekona

What's your Hawaiian Name?

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

Your Hidden Talent

Your natural talent is interpersonal relations and dealing with people. You communicate well and are able to bring disparate groups together. Your calming presence helps everything go more smoothly. People crave your praise and complements.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Genius Executor of Sacrifices. Where You Lived: Peru. How You Died: Dysentery.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 66% Pure

For you, kissing isn't a casual thing Lip to lip action makes your heart sing

Kissing Purity Test