Of mothers and children

I love working in the DR and NICU of any hospitals because I get to handle neonates. Newborns are just an absolute joy to look at! That is, except when it’s a case of IUFD. IntraUterine Fetal Death. I helped in the cord care of one such case last Friday. She was but a hand span in length, her arms thinner than my pinky finger, her head just slightly bigger than a golf ball. Her APGAR score would have been 0; she wasn’t moving, wasn’t crying, wasn’t breathing. She was born just five months after conception, meaning her lungs’ alveoli still wouldn’t have been developed yet.

We came upon her in the morning when we went inside the JBL’s NICU. I thought at first that she was inanimate, a doll perhaps, until I saw her abdomen expand. Then I realized she was still somehow hanging on in there. But unlike when handling other neonates, where we hurry and scramble to get them cleaned and covered up, there was no such thing with her. Our hands didn’t tremble from nervousness of possibly dropping a slippery baby and injuring it. No, our trembling hands were due to our suppression of tears. It was just so sad to look at her, lying there on a hospital tray, not moving and turning blacker by the second. She was cold to our gloved hands touch and we could do nothing but give her the decency of an oil bath and cord care before covering her up in a bloodied lampin and putting her in an old used box to give to her waiting parents. She would have been their first born, their little angel. God bless her… what makes me sad is that she didn’t even have a name.

o-o-o

I’ve known, since I was 9 years old, that my cousin (Kuya Tan) and his mother (Tita Betty) were not on very good terms. They always argue verbally and when Kuya can no longer accept the verbal abuse that Tita can at times deal out, he moves out of the house. He’s done this for countless of times since he was a teenager. And now, he’s done it again.

The difference is, Tita has changed. She wasn’t doing anything wrong this time, and was merely doing what any good and concerned mother and grandmother would do: nag her son (Kuya) about taking care of his own son (JR).

The kid (my inaanak) is almost always left to Tita’s care. Tita’s legs are weak, and she gets nervous attacks and is even diagnosed as clinically depressed and is taking antidepressants. She merely wishes that Kuya would take care of his own child properly, not leave the child alone with her for she could no longer keep up with a 6-year-old ultra-hyper (and thanks to their past behavior towards him, super spoilt brat) grandchild. You see, Kuya and his wife are separated. They’re both seeing other people, living their lives as though JR does not exist. The poor child gets left behind in a house with only the help to keep an eye on him. And Tita’s going back to New Jersey by the end of May. No one will be left to look after JR.

So my mom proposed this: that JR be left to us providing he’d have a yaya solely devoted to his care. Mom and I would make sure he does his homework and generally be his family whiles Ate Rhea and Kuya Tan are… well, doing whatever it is their doing.

A part of me doesn’t mind having the kid around, but a bigger part of me is dreading the very idea. When couples separate, don’t kids usually go to the mother? But Ate Rhea herself told Kuya Tan that she would not be able to support JR financially. Hell, even though they’re separated and seeing other people she still has enough gumption to go to Kuya and demand he give her money for her transportation fee and other expenses so she could go to work. Whenever she takes JR from Tita Betty, she later asks for money before giving him back so Tita could take care of the kid again. And Kuya Tan… he’s more concerned about making pogi-points with his girlfriends (take note of the s!) than take care of his son. Mom said she won’t argue if Ate Rhea takes JR from us when/if this plan comes true and he does live with us, but she won’t give Ate or Kuya any money if they ask to borrow any from her. She says she’ll treat the kid the way she treats her pupils at school. I know JR needs to learn discipline, coz he’s just too god be darned spoiled, but I feel pity for the kid coz if he stays with us he won’t get the same affection as when growing up with his own parents…

o-o-o

I’d be going off to Manila later today for our summer affiliation. I’m not excited in the least, more like dreading the work and the place where we’re supposed to stay. I’ve gotten used to living here at home with all its conveniences and just the feel of safeness this place exudes. Makes me wonder how I’ll feel when I’ll eventually have to really leave and live in another country for several years… I’ll miss Mom for sure. Sounds kinda childish, ne? Heheh ^^0 But Ma’s one of my best friends too so that’s like being separated from someone you care for twice.

But on the upside, I’ll get a chance to see all my Manila-based friends again! Wheeeeee!!! Ana, Seika, Emski, Ai, Jean, Guids, minna… see yah soon!!! ^___________^