haaaay... so tired... -_-

I just need to write this down somewhere. I realize I'm kinda impinging on my uncle's privacy but I'm not writing down any specifics about his identity anyway.

September 7: Found Tito Toto on the floor of Paul's room. He was groggy and lethargic, but (thank God!) conscious. He couldn't move his right hand and foot. He couldn't talk. We rushed him to a hospital in San Fernando. Turns out he got CVD... or at least that's what his chart said. Anyways, he had a mild stroke. A blood vessel bled out on the left side of his brain so his right side is paralyzed. He had to stay overnight in the ICU for observation. Good thing his stroke wasn't the progressive type. He didn't need surgery and his neurosurgeon suggested that they just use meds to remove the bleeding and prevent edema and increased ICP. It worked. His vital signs remained stable so his doctors felt confident enough to discharge him from the hospital a week later.

The hospital therapist suggested we get a personal PT for him so Tita Pes did. The PT comes 3x/week for his rehab. He gets to walk using a cane now, but still with assistance. He still needs help getting up from bed, standing, sitting, doing his ADLs... he's quite lazy about moving around and prefers to sleep 3/4ths of the day away. Add that immobility to his decreased intake of liquids equals constipation, despite the lactulose and foods we prepare to prevent that. It's really troubling coz we all don't want him to strain to avoid increased ICP but the way it is now doing so is kinda unavoidable. So far we can still use laxatives but we all don't want to get him used to using them.

Mom and I usually sleep over to help watch over Tito. Binky and I take shifts, but we're both usually there during the days to help out. Tito's incontinent. He feels pained when he micturates. It doesn't look like UTI, and since a foley catheter was put on him then it could be a side effect of that, but it's worrisome that it's been more than two weeks since they removed the catheter and he still hasn't gotten back his normal way of elimination. Maybe I'm just being impatient. Or paranoid. In any case, when he gets re-examined next week I'm planning to bring that up in case Tita or Binky forgets to ask about it.

I'm taking a day and night off right now. I'm in my room for once, and all I did this entire day was get back lost sleep. My whole body hurts! And it feels like I'm gonna get a fever. My cough's back too. So my throat feels scratchy when I don't drink water, so I do and salabat as well so much so that I feel bloated now. My joints ache every time I move them. Worse than when you suddenly do a full body exercise after months of sedentary activities.

I guess I need to distance myself a while from Tito. Doesn't help as well that I should be reviewing for the NCLEX. I should've had my exam today but I had it moved to October 24 since I couldn't review nor concentrate while we were at the hospital. Grace also asked me again when I want to have my teaching demo at her school scheduled and I still can't give her a date coz I dunno when I'll be free to actually prepare for it and get time away enough to go to the school.

I don't mind helping out, but a small part of me wishes that Tita Pes would hire a private nurse as well, or a caregiver to watch over Tito during the day. As it is, our lives are kind of at a standstill. Binky and I can't start accepting work. I can't get back to JBL anytime soon coz my exam's still less than a month away and I'm supposed to review, but couldn't. Sometimes I can't help but wish I was somewhere else while I'm at that room watching Tito sleep. Am I being bad to think that? I don't even want to talk about this with my mom coz she and Tita are expecting me and Binky to help out. Like I said, I don't mind it, but am I being an evil niece to sometimes wish otherwise?