Mantra to self:

"There's only us,

there's only this,

forget regret

or life is yours to miss.

No other road,

no other way,

no day but today."


- lyrics from Rent's Life Support

Note to self:

Memorize this image and think of it during "those times" to get a quick reality check and perspective.

Another Day... just updating on what's been happening to me lately

Wow! January's nearly over?! Barely felt it pass.

Really should stop spending so much, but in fairness my big purchases are truly really genuine necessities that I couldn't live without. They're both technically health related and preventive measures.

First big purchase this month was a new pair of glasses with transition lenses. Apparently my eyes got better and the current glasses I'm using now are too strong thereby giving me migraines. Hopefully I get rid of the headaches after I adjust to wearing the new ones which I have yet to get from OPSM coz it takes a week to order them. Ah well... there goes nearly 800 dollars @~@

Second big purchase were the Arbonne products (a day cream, night cream, neck cream, sun screen, eye cream, and body lotion) which would be absolutely good for my skin, (hopefully) preventing fine lines and wrinkles from developing. Hahahah, yeah. I'm using anti-ageing stuff. The same stuff I tease my mom about using. Then again in fairness my mom's skin looks waaaay younger than her actual age (coz she rarely uses makeup and always uses moisturizers), so I figure might as well invest on something really good to use for my skin. Will try the Arbonne products and I'll see if I feel any improvements. They're supposed to come in the mail this coming week. Can't wait :)

*sigh* I may need to start coloring my hair early... I'm noticing more and more white hairs. I don't pull them out. I just don't want to. But one sticks out rather prominently on the top of my head (coz it's still too short) and reminds me too often that I'm already 30 y/o... makes me wanna pull it out lolz

Gah... this post is becoming too vain, if not yet lolz.... good news though is that I can reschedule my Wicked ticket and watch it sometime March. Whew! Can't wait~! :)

Hooked on listening to Rent (musical), and reading Traci Harding novels.

Back to school. Doing Org28 on Mondays, placement at Tweed Super Sports Centre on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (and possibly Thursdays but that depends on my work roster), and the rest of the week at work.

Waiting

I have probably made it crystal in this blog that the one activity I detest doing the most was to wait without having anything to do; and yet here I am doing exactly just that. Waiting. Sitting on the curb with a shopping trolley filled with groceries next to me. Waiting. Being stared at by other shoppers because they've gone in and come out again with me still here trying to look busy with my phone when I really am not and am just resorting to rant in this blog because I absolutely hate it when I'm idle. I need my mind occupied, thank you very much. And as I have nothing to pass the time with except this cellphone... Well... I'm stuck waiting. I. Hate. This. :-(

Blind dates and other disappointments

Went to a blind date yesterday. The very first one I went to. It went generally well but I'm just not into the guy I met *shrug* too different in interests, I guess. I kinda found Seika-chan's reaction funny when I told her about it the day before. I think she was more excited about it than I was *lolz* I did follow her advise about dressing up a bit, but since I didn't want to look too made up I just went with what was comfy. I did wear a dress, so Tin peace tayo ha! *lolz* it's funny coz I think I hit it off more with that guy I rode the bus going to pacific fair with than with the guy I had a blind date with heheheh... ah well *shrug*

I wouldn't be watching Wicked on the 15th as I planned. The show got canceled because of the floods in Brisbane. Safety first. Even if they opened QPAC on the 15th I'd probably opt not to go anyway coz I'd fear trudging through the flooded streets of South Brisbane just to get to the Lyric theater. I'd probably get a reschedule for my tickets. Well, at least I'm hoping to get rescheduled because I REALLY want to watch the show. Worst case scenario would be to get a refund. But it's easy to reschedule me coz I'm watching it by myself. M.G. was supposed to watch it with me but I didn't know what his sched was so I never got to buy his tickets for him. Guess I should ask him if he still wants to go if the show reopens anytime soon and if we could still get tickets.

Flood

Woke up to sunshine and blue skies today, as though it hasn't been raining continuously for the past several days. Gah. Nature sure is unpredictable; here the weather people predicted it'll rain till the weekend too.

Anyways, yesterday while watching the news coverage about the flood they said that the worst case scenario for the upcoming weeks is for another storm to come in. My first thought was that 'no, that wouldn't happen, God wouldn't allow that to happen because it would be too cruel'. The immediate thought after that was more of the opposite. I thought, 'hmmm, that would be interesting to see if it happens.' Which right now bothers me that I thought like that at all. It sounds so apathetic. So uninvolved and unsympathetic and un-empathic about the suffering of so many people.

Coming from the Philippines, I've seen news coverage about flash floods before, of the devastation they bring in a place. Our province has always been at risk when there's a storm because of the floods they cause ever since Mt. Pinatubo erupted. So I sort of understand where the apathy is coming from. It's already kind of a normal thing to experience flooding for me.

Despite all of the damage, so far there's only been 10 confirmed dead. Not saying that those 10 deaths aren't devastating on their own; but what I mean is, compared to Ormoc that claimed hundreds if not thousands of lives or the yearly floods we get in Pampanga that also claim several unfortunate people's lives, 10 dead and 90 missing is a tragedy yes but for me it seems not nearly as terrible. Dunno, I guess it's just a matter of perspective.

But I must admit that I'm awed by the response of the government here in Australia. This morning the prime minister announced a hotline number people who needs Centrelink support could call to get financial support in order to rebuild their homes and businesses. In the Philippines, flood victims would be lucky to get a plastic bag full of grocery as the government's way of helping the victims. It's just so drastically different. It makes me wish I could somehow find a way to make it the same in the Philippines, to have my home country's government act so vigilantly and vigorously towards the good of its people. I'm not saying the Australian government is perfect, I just wish the Philippines government would emulate certain aspects of it (Centrelink for example).

One of my dreams is to be able to better the ambulance service in the Philippines, or at least in my home province of Pampanga. If I had enough money or the skills to gather people to donate enough and continuous financial backing, I'd work towards getting more trained paramedic and other emergency personnel, make them more visible and helping people in need. As I am now I don't have the skills nor the influence to make this dream even remotely possible. The closest I could probably get to it is if I could somehow enroll in a paramedic course, then get training and work in that field so I could get the experience and then later bring that back to the Philippines... hey, everyone's free to have a dream, right?

Just to set things straight

Okay, done.

As she requested, I erased her name. And I repeat apologizing publishing her name and her beau's. It is her right to request that I remove it, so I did.

What I will not apologize for are the sentiments I wrote down. She says what I wrote was untrue or at the very least inaccurate. I beg to differ. I may not have put down what she said verbatim here, but like I said they are the gist of it. If she doesn't like the word gist, then let's use essence instead.

She told me that her respect for me used to be so high and with this incident it has plummeted to unprecedented lows... Fine. I acknowledge that. I never believed she had much of a high opinion of me anyways so it's not really much of a loss to learn she thinks that way now. And as we are not even on speaking terms before this incident, then there really is nothing for me to lose now, is there?

I do find it funny how she learned about this blog. So apparently someone actually reads this. Lolz... never thought I had any readers aside from my friends who I keep contact and updates with through our blogs. I don't actively advertise this blog, but people are free to read it since it's public. It's my form of therapy. I rant here. I rave. I gush. I squeal, shout, think, rationalize, despair, feel joy and just be as myself as possible on writing form. I've had this blog since 2002 so I'm not recanting or apologizing for my thoughts (any of them). Pero hindi ako manhid. I might not react or respond to what you say or do to me but it doesn't mean I don't notice or mind it when someone does something bad towards me. I just don't want to go down to their level and prove myself a total bitch or idiot in front of everyone.

I still don't understand what her original woes were against me, to make her dislike me so. She says I have done a LOT of bad things to her. It somehow sounds like I consciously and actively went out of my way to make her life miserable. And to think I haven't really talked to her outside of school stuff since even a week before they moved out. Geez. Seriously. This is like being back in elementary. So immature. If it irked her that I don't talk to her and my behavior is supposedly unacceptable, well... just look at the pot calling the kettle black. But I do believe in karma, so I'm thinking after what I've experienced this past couple of months it's somewhat of a poetic justice that other people now know about what's been happening. Too bad for her that it upsets her. So yes, I am not apologizing for my thoughts and opinions. I have a right to them. If anybody disagrees, then that's their opinion and we'll just agree to disagree.

Updates Since Last Year

Nearly forgot about this blog already, not good at all. Since December last year quite a lot has happened. Since I can't remember everything, I'll just post about the major differences or similarities.

Going to work regularly at Ozcare, but not getting enough hours for some months now so I thank God for being able to get shifts the past couple of months at Tallai Glades. I like both jobs since they're relatively similar but some times I wish I did a totally different career path. Well, whatever's necessary to earn money as long as it's good honest work is alright in my books.

Still renting at Ate Mila's house. M1, M2 and N aren't any more. Am not really on good terms with M2. Too long a story to rant about in here. I try to just generally go about my business and treat her like the stranger she pretty much told me to be. I think that's loads better than actually disliking her. Better to not know someone than stress about not liking someone; especially if that someone said (although not her exact words, but they're the gist of it) that she'd rather really not like having me around. Wish she'd just do the same and get on with her life and stop saying comments behind my back that I could perfectly hear (although she never does it when there are other people around sides for M1). *long sigh* I just hate this situation with her. And the only reason she told me why she disliked me so much was coz I was too noisy. *shrug* Whatever. So, like I said, staying at Ate Mila's. It certainly is a lot more quiet now compared to before. Definitely a lot more relaxed. It's like being part of their family but not really... coz Tamara's treating me somewhat like a sister/playmate. And although I've never been close to her like M1 was, I open up more and chat a lot more with Ate Mila now.

Which reminds me, I met more of Ate Mila's family, sides from her older daughters. Meet her ex, Alan and his kids Greg and Gina. Greg's my favorite coz he's so easy to tease. And he literally screams like a girl. They're supposed to be coming back here in the Gold Coast at Christmas, so that'll be fun. Alan and Mila are joking about finding a husband for me, but really... I don't want to marry some old bloke just to stay here. I see nothing wrong about going back in the Philippines and staying there for good if I need to.

Which leads me to my next update: dad's back home, in the Philippines. He's been back for some months now. Mom and he are as thick as honey, if what Tita Betty told me is true lolz... talked to them on video chat yesterday. Dad said he got tanned coz of working in the sun. He built a wall for the back of the house and is now currently renovating the kitchen. Just in time too coz the people who bought the house at the back of ours took down the wall that used to be there. Our home would've been exposed like some stage show for the public traveling the MacArthur Highway to see if dad didn't build that wall in time. Mom looks happy. She's actually growing her hair longer. I think she's a lot more conscious about how she looks now that dad's back, which I find cute and rather icky... coz hello, who'd really want to think of their parents doing the deed? Icky... but kinda cute, especially at their age.

Oh, I had a hair cut recently. Had it cut shoulder length and kinda bob-like. Some of my classmates commented I looked like an elementary student. The hairdresser thought I was in high school! LOLz :-P I somehow don't mind. I'm so far liking it being short. Never mind that my hair tends to go buhaghag, it's sorta the thing here... coz we're in the Gold Coast, there's a lot of beaches, so a lot of sea breeze... my hair makes me look like I've just been at the beach which I find funny coz I haven't been to the beach in MONTHS now.

Depending on the style of the clothes, I'm nearly four dress sizes lower compared to last year. Yey me! ^_^ Still trying to lose more inches, and get more muscle definition. Bought a book about pilates, so I'll study it a bit before actually getting into it, and see if it's for me. Coz I really am not the regular exercise sort of person. I like to walk but with summer coming and my tendency to get bungang-araw that itch like crazy whenever I'm even slightly exposed to the sun well, suffice it to say that walking might not be such a good idea. I soooooo miss winter.

Can't really think of much else I wanna post right now. I'll try to post again sometime soon.

Wow~!

Didn't realize I haven't really updated this blog (or any of my other blogs) in quite a long while now. Well, I'm not dead. Just been quite busy. What has happened to me since March?

First off, I'm now in Australia. Been here since August 18. Spent my time before that preparing to go here: finished the training at IL Institute, submitted all the modules, went to the practicum at St. Camillus, packed, yada yada... I'm now studying and working here in the Gold Coast. I'm working to get registered as a RN here but am now working at a couple of aged care facilities while I'm at it. It's not that difficult a job. And the residents are fun to be with, generally.

Still getting used to living here. I sometimes still look left instead of looking right first when crossing streets. Buses have a set schedule that you have to follow. But traffic's virtually non-existent.

It's officially summer today, and the heat is just too much! They say it's gonna get even hotter come January and February. I'm so not looking forward to that.

I've stayed at two places since I came here. At Kirra in Coolangatta first when I came in August; with Ate Freda, Kuya Joey, Ate Amy, Ate Alma and Kuya Benjo. Then I moved to Robina with Ate May and Ate Mary. We're staying with a Filipina mother and daughter. Oh, and Indybear (their pet puppy).

I'm working at Mudgeeraba Nursing Centre casually and at Ozcare parttime.

I spent my birthday at Ozcare undergoing a mandatory training; then at dinner back home Ate Mila (our landlady) cooked some spaghetti for me, Dianne (her daughter) brought some homemade cupcakes, Nash (our future boardmate) bought a cake. That was so nice of them, really. Made me cry when I went upstairs to my room.

I'll be spending the holidays here. Working. T_T

Well, that's most of my update for now, the gist of what I've been up to. Hope I can update before Christmas.

My Avalon.ph Contest Entry

Avalon.ph is having another contest (click this link for the details) to continue celebrating their 10th year online. This time, the price is a signed hardbound copy of Interworld by Neil Gaiman.

Since Jasper (owner of avalon.ph) already used my favorite quote as an example in his blog, I'm using my second favorite Neil Gaiman quote as my entry:

"The bonds of family bind both ways. They bind us up, support us, help us. And they are also a bond from which it is difficult, perhaps impossible to extricate oneself." - Desire to the crowd gathered for Morpheus' wake, from The Sandman Volume 10 (The Wake)

Although Desire was quite sarcastic when he/she said this, I liked it coz it made sense. And because I totally agree. I love that I have close family ties. But then there are moments and people in both my father's and mother's side of the family that make those ties a noose around our relative necks. And we can't really do anything coz they're of our blood.