When Do Families End?

Is it when the parents die? Or do people stop being part of what one would consider his family when one starts a family or their own?

My mom's 2nd eldest brother, my uncle Tito Mario, does not act like family anymore. I won't go in the particulars coz they're too long to narrate, but what my mom keeps telling me these days is that she'd like me to find a family of my own. To start one of my own, especially since I'm an only child and I won't have any siblings to turn to for in times of future troubles. Because of Tito Mario, she cautions me that I should not depend on anyone, not even those I grew up with because once they have started families of their own things would no longer be the same.

Money always seem to be one of the reasons families break down. Take for example Ate My's family right now. Her 90 y/o father's sick and was hospitalized. He doesn't eat anymore and his right side is paralyzed so he's bedridden too. Her... how do I say this... complete fucking bastard of a brother would rather spend his paycheck buying and giving luxury items to his "papa" than help his own father by contributing to the payment of the hospital bills. What's worse is that Ate My's brother is in debt with several and I mean not just one or two but a LOT of people so Ate My and her mother, Lola Ising (who's 72!), are usually forced to work just to pay his debts. Meanwhile, Ate My's older sister, Ate Gloria's whole family - 3 kids all of school age and her husband - are living with Lola Ising and Lolo Mundo... what remaining money Lola Ising isn't paying to the debtors she gives to Ate Gloria and her kids. But now that Lolo Mundo was hospitalized, Ate Gloria refuses to help financially as well as even just going to the hospital to act as bantay for her own dad, saying that she's too busy. And to think she doesn't even have a job!

I don't understand them at all. Not Tito Mario. And especially not Kuya Felirey nor Ate Gloria. I didn't grow up having any siblings, my little sister died when I was just 3 y/o and she was but 6 months old so I never got the chance to know her, but from the way I see my mom and dad support their siblings I wouldn't even dream of not helping out my sister had she lived and had been in any kind of trouble... and as an extension since they are like siblings to me, my cousins - the twins and Camille; even Kuya Tan who I couldn't believe is acting the way he is now. Anyways, I just don't understand how they could act that way... so uncaring towards the family that took care and grew up with them for so long. I just don't get it. Isn't family family whatever happens? Whatever happened to blood is thicker than water?


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About school:

Our panelists during the thesis defense yesterday were Mam Au, Dean Sicat, Mam Vital and Mam Annelle. We passed. Heck, I can even dare to say we impressed them. They told us that we were "very good" and that we need not do anymore major revisions or anything of the sort for our thesis... what we need only do is get the manual and follow the format specified in there.

I'm so relieved that it's done. It's funny how my fear simply evaporated 3 to 5 minutes into the defense. At first I was fumbling for what to say, but as the hour went by Nhey, Hazel, Sig and I just spoke up whatever was on our minds and answered all the panelists questions.

We'd be having our duty next at Florida.

Midterms is on te first week of September, but I'm not too worried. So far my grades are okay, although they're not as high as I want them to be.

I have to start working for the Nightingale now that the thesis is done.


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Guids: Ba't ka tumawag? What's with today? Why'd you ask?

Seika: Just call/text me if you wanna talk, ne? I miss you too!!

Ana: No idea what that FTP? thing is hehehe, but you know that na naman lolz.

*sniffles*

When I feel kinda down or confused with my life I listen to this song:

Through Heaven's Eyes
from the animated movie, "Prince of Egypt"

A single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design
and the stone that sits on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face
does it think it's more important
than the stones that form the base
So how can you see what your life is worth
or where your value lies
you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life
look at your life through heaven's eyes

lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
is less than a cool fresh spring
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king
If a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth
So how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size
in how much he gained or how much he gave
the answer will come
the answer will come to him who tries
to look at his life through heaven's eyes

and that's why we share all we have with you
though there's little to be found
when all you've got is nothing
there's a lot to go around
No life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance

lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys
You can never see with your eyes on earth
Look through heaven's eyes
Look at your life
Look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes

It's a perfect pick-me-upper ^___^ How it manages to make me cry every time I listen to it is beyond me, but it really is a great song... I think I posted these lyrics here before, but then it's my blog so *shrug* it's really none of your business if I post it again ne?

Personality Test

Big Five Word Test Results

Extroversion (41%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive. Accommodation (64%) moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly kind natured, trusting, and helpful at the expense of your own individual development (martyr complex). Orderliness (41%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, random, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of structure, reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Emotional Stability (55%) medium which suggests you are moderately relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic. Inquisitiveness (44%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly small minded, traditional, and conventional at the expense of intellectual curiousity, possibility, and progress.

Take Free Big Five Word Choice Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Glimpses

Opened the gate yesterday afternoon for Tita Pes coz Myra (their househelp) went with Ate My to buy ice cream at the grocery. So there I was in my uber comfortable but also severely tattered mukhang basahan and almost see-through-coz-its-gotten-so-thin shirt and shorts ensemble, hair still wet from the shower I took after getting home from school when I saw him.

He's probably an officemate who drove Tita home coz she usually carpools with her officemates to and from well, work.

I don't have a single clue who he is but when I saw him I felt my heart drop to the general direction of my feet and my jaw hit the floor. I wanted to literally kick myself for looking the way I did coz gawds above and all the devils below, that guy was just... gorgeous!!! *gushing and squealing into pillow like a crazed fangirl*

Men have no business looking like that, damn it!!!

Just think about it this way, if David Wesley could be brought to life, he’s an extremely close copy.

*huge sigh*

Waaaaaah !_! he probably thinks I’m the house help hahahah -_-0

And no, I am not in any way asking Tita who he is. I don’t wanna know!!! He might be married – I hope to hell not! – or gay – though he didn’t sound it – or a relative of ours so I don’t want to find out. But here I am just itching to catch another glimpse of him again... is that so bad?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA!!!

It's my mom's 57th birthday today. And no, she doesn't mind it if people know her age. But I wonder just how happy this day'll be considering she's still has a fever running? We took her to Dr. Lugue on Monday, got her urine tested and an UTZ... turns out she got UTI. How she did, I still don't know. *big sigh* some nursing student I'm turning out to be, then again... pucha ang hirap palang maging pasyente sariling nanay! Wala siyang gustong sundin sa mga sinasabi ko, lagi pa ang reklamo hahahah *sweatdrop*

Anyways, mom... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! LOVE YAH!!!

Awareness through a song

Music: Evergreen (remix) by Hyde
Wearing: long t-shirt and white shorts
Activity (aside from blogging): writing thesis and wasting electricity by keeping the TV on eventhough I haven't been paying any sort of attention to it since two hours ago...

I'm obsessed with memorizing Ilaria Graziano's I Do (from Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex). I just love the melody, and like most of Yohko Kanno's songs, even when I understand ziltch zero nada and none of the lyrics I still love the lyrics for the way they sound.

I've put the song on repeat and have been listening to it since this afternoon so if you're wondering why I mentioned Hyde's song up there it's coz I kinda got fed up with I Do for the time being and just put the player on random. Okay, by now it's playing Maaya Sakamoto's Mameshiba, from Earth Girl Arjuna, I think.

What's with the song mentions? Just that while downloading some of Shimokawa Mikuni's songs a few minutes ago, I realized that she's the one who sang a lot of old anime OP/ED favorites and that though I didn't know it was her singing, I apparently liked her voice and songs enough that I actually have acquired a bit of a collection of them throughout the years without realizing it. Same with Maaya Sakamoto and BoA, but then at least I knew who were singing their songs when I got my copy of them *sigh*

What bothers me about this is that I guess I let things creep up on me without me noticing them. Like I do things unconsciously for a very long time, then it feels as though a light gets flicked on coz I suddenly realize exactly what I'm doing and why.

Am I making sense? I doubt it.

Anyways, it's not just things or songs... what troubles me is that I let people do this to me too. Sometimes it's okay, like when I realize that I consider a certain person whom I only thought of as an acquaintance is an actual friend... but there's also a negative side to this.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that I wish I was more aware of things. I tend to disregard somethings that I shouldn't, block out people I mustn't... and I do it unconsciously for a very long time.

I really should stop.