FEIFU-ISM: Auscultation
Listen Close Enough And You'll Hear My Heart
Monday, April 25, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Okay... I just tried out the new friendster blog thing, and to tell the truth, rambling on another space seemed slightly weird. Like I shouldn't have done such a thing, so here I am back at my original space dedicated to my rants doing, well... ranting.
Well, I don't really plan on ranting today per se. Just here to answer a few tags from you guys, so here goes:
Ana:
Yup, mahirap talaga sa umpisa. It's tedious and boring and hurts my mouse-hand and boring and masakit sa mata and boring and oh, need I repeat it... Boring!
***
Jean:
Hallooooo!!! *glomps galore* Long time no see/hear/speak/etc! Miss na kita! Loka! Musta na?! Heard you're obsessed with Tantra ^^ I only read about you from Ai's blog. Speaking of which, I removed the link to the shannelle thing you had, oo nga, ang tagal mo ng di nag-u-update dun, kaya pala. Have you got any new website/blog I can link you to?
***
Rhyzzah-san:
I know I'm being presumptuous in advising you like this considering I have no idea who you are and what your circumstances are, but I couldn't resist trying to help a fellow soul in need of an open ear who's willing to listen. If you wanna talk about anything, send me a private email, k? I'm willing to listen.
But all I really gotta say right now that I have no info about you is, try to find your core; the center of your being that makes you the person you are, then hold on to that. Keep the image of you strong in your mind and heart, add improvements to it as you see fit (things you'd like to become), and then strive to achieve those things. Show the world how beautiful and strong and worthwhile the real you is, and slowly (just be very patient coz it'll be a slow process) people will eventually accept and love you for who you are. I'm tring to do exactly this myself, right now. So I can understand what you're feeling; I've been there too ^^
Please don't ever get tired of your life coz however bad it is now it still has a LOT to offer you, simple wonders that would make you glad to be alive. They're fairly easy to miss and dismiss, but if you just look close enough, they're there, just waiting for you to see them.
Okay, I know that was highly cheesy and sentimental and idealistically optimistic of me but just bear with the mushy-ness and try to understand my message, k? ^^0
***
Aherm, please forgive me the slight preachy-ness of what I said to Rhyzzah-san. I don't usually go spout-waxing about my sometimes overly optimistic view in life, but I did have a turnabout from the self-destructive path I was in a few years back, and I owe some people here BIG TIME for that turnabout. I owe them my fricking life, as it is. And yeah, I'm being overly dramatic about it, considering nothing very very serious happened, but it was quite an eye-opener and I can never go back to that path nor forget the promise I made myself once my eyes were opened. Nothing religious here, k? Just reminiscing about the old days coz of Rhyzzah-san's tag. I may rant and ramble, but really, I'm fairly happy with where I am right now thanks to the help of really good people - you guys know who you are!
Okay! I'll bloody stop all the mushy meeky stuff now and give you a few links of FYfanfiction I found to be seemingly worthwhile reads. I did say I'm back to my Tasuki-fangirl state of obsession, didn't I? Not all of these are Tasuki-centered, but hey, my favorite fangboy's part of the plot so, any mention of him makes my fangirl heart flutter and flit to the high heavens. That and the sugar and caffeine overload coursing through my systems ^^
White Stones in the Moonlight (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/536376/1/)
Tasuki-centered; more like an insert epic fic during the time after the failed first attempt to summon Suzaku and before the gang left to find the shinzahou of Genbu no Miko.
Bridge Over the Abyss (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/840836/1/)
Chichiri-centered; deals with Chichiri's past, what happened to him after his devastating fight with his friend Hikou, before he became a monk of Suzaku.
Hidden Paths on a Cloud-cast Night (http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1166843/1/)
Sequel to White Stones and Bridge.
Leather and Lace (http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/view_st.php?id=76642&submit=View)
Tasuki-centered; continuation-fic; errr... just read the summary you'll find at the site.
I know! 3 of those fics are from the same author, ne? I just love the way the three fics are written. Very canon-based and mature (in a not too hentai all the time meaning of mature). Why am I posting links to these fics on my blog? Coz I feel like sharing them with the people I know who just might get curious enough to read coz the stories are nice, and coz like I said, I'm a not-so-rabid Tasuki-fangirl right now ^^
Friday, April 22, 2005
WARNING: Major rants ahead. Read at your own risk.
My Tagboard's at it again! *grumble grumble* or maybe its just Genrou going weird on me once more. I dunno, and I really don't have the time to find out.
Next week will be our first exposure to JBL Hospital. Then on Friday would be our summer midterms; after which we'd be having unit tests for NCM concepts 3,4,5 & 6 (that means I have to study about 150+ pages of handouts, all of which I have to memo-fricking-rise coz they'd surely give objective questions for the blasted tests. Add that to 5 chapters of Microbiology, the April Fic I still have to finish, several sketches for the illu charas, the new story I've been discussing about with Ana-nechan, and redecorating my room so I can have a bit more space to store my stuff... It surely will be a seriously busy weekend! ^^0
How was my day?
It didn't start well. Had several small arguments and miny fights with my stubborn-conceited-irresponsible-immature-irritating-nagmamagaling pero mali naman ang ginagawa-stupid-inconsiderate groupmates (well, at least 2 of them) in Micro laboratory. Pucha naman kasi, sinabihan na kami pano gumawa ng smear for the blood, yung pang old technique yung ginamit nung gago, ayun tuloy, mali ulit yung smear, masyado nanaman thick kaya di makita mga cells. Tapos siya pa may gana magreklamo e kaming lahat sinabihan na namin siya na mali yung procedure na ginagawa niya? Bwisit! Porke kasi mas matanda siya kala na niya siya lang yung tama. Isipin niyo, ako pa yung inaway kasi daw mainit ulo ko, pano ba naman di iinit ulo ko e mali nga ginagawa niya ayaw pa niyang tumigil?! Grrrrrrrrrr!!!
I was seriously pissed off until around lunchtime. Pano kaya yung isa ko pang ka-group kinuha ng walang paalam nag-iisang dala ko na ballpen, then he up and lost it. He didnt even bleeding offer to replace the darn thing. Sabi lang niya pahihiramin daw niya ako ng ballpen till I can buy my own. Fucking bastard! Taragisan mo! Ikaw na nga yung mali ikaw pa yung may ganang umarte na martyr porke pinapahanap ko sayo yung winala mo! I know it's a small thing, I mean, it IS just a ballpen after all (nevermind that my dad gave it to me and I've been treating it like it's my lucky ballpen coz I've aced quite a lot of tests with it) pero it's just the principle of it... hindi na nga siya nanghiram ng matino, as in he just really took the thing from atop my books, then ganun pa ginawa niya?! Taragisan talaga niya!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
Good thing the afternoon got better. Or baka nasobrahan na ako sa pagka-piss off kaya I tried burying the darn irritation with laughter and smiles. Come to think of it, I should've been pissed at those inconsiderate shitheads at ACE Hardware who didnt wanna get pantali from their stockroom para mabitbit ko ng matino yung binili kong whiteboard from their store, but no, I really didnt get too pissed. Just a bit dismayed then I just took the darn lifting thing as a challenge. I left their store humming while dragging the board behind me... hehehe, talk about getting people's attention ^^0
Ngayon lang ako naiinis ulit, now that I'm typing all of this. I need the release, I think, coz I swallowed and bottled up the rage kanina. Haaay... so I can do that pala? Just keep as calm as I can under a smiling facade. I'm still majorly pissed off inside pero people around me think I'm just okay.
Well, that's good coz I dont want my future patients to see what I'm really thinking of in case what I'm thinking of or feeling is not an appropriate thing to share with them.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Walang pasok!
Not that I didn't go to the bloody campus. I still went there, my classmates were able to get there more or less in time for the first period (so Bayani Fernando was right to say that the transport strike wasn't much of a success). But what was infuriating was that our blasted professors weren't there. We waited till around 9am, dun lang nagdatingan mga bwisit. Nagsiuwian na mga classmates ko, kasi hello, siyempre baka ma-stranded sila diba? Then we saw the dean and siya pa yung galit ba't umuwi daw yung iba! Magkaklase daw kami since andun na rin kami, take note, ala man lima sa natira sa buong section namin. Haaaaay... sometimes I think na nagme-menopause na siya kaya siya ganun ka-illogical.
On a happier note, I now understand why I have gone back to my Tasuki fangirl mode. It's Genrou's birthday today!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Kou Shun'u / Genrou / Shichiseishi Tasuki ^_________^
I know, I know. It's weird I'm greeting a fricking fictional character, but hey, I'm just happy Yuu Watase created him for the millions of Tasuki-fans around the world.
So again...
TANJOUBI OMEDETTOU, GENROU-KUN!!! ^______________^
And last but not the least, alam ko ka-jologsan pero I've gotten really curious about the GMA 7 fantasy telenovela, the one with the enchanted stones thing? Emski! Don't you get reminded of Dokoni when you see the commercials? Tuloy parang gusto kong panuorin waheheheheheh ^^0
Sunday, April 17, 2005
Friday, April 15, 2005
Hay sus... ang dami ginagawa!
Please don't wonder why I would have less opportunities on updating this blog sa mga susunod na mga araw, katatapos lang ng first week ng aming summer classes and gosh gulay ang dami ko ng kailangan gawin, basahin, at isulat!
Never mind that I have yet to finish writing that blasted april fic, and finish coloring the james pic I owe Ana-nechan...
Dios ko po, sana wag muna akong i-contact ng EIC namin sa Nightingale kundi mamamatay na ko sa pagod.
Daily routine ko nowadays is to wake up at around 10:30 to 12midnight, study for my classes for the coming day; my classes are till 5:30pm, at depende sa kung ano yung group work namin kung magtatagal pa ako sa school or not; am usually home by 6pm at the earliest or nearing 9pm at the latest. Pag-uwi sa bahay I usually have no more energy for anything but sleep so that's what I do.
So Emski, no chance na me to play Tantra, gomen. I'll text you na lang if ever I get the chance to try the game coz I simply have no time. Araw araw may tests kami and ang daming kailangan imemorize!
Guids, ayan, yun po Kuya ang aking napaka-pangit na weekly sked. Binabawi ko tulog ko pag weekends so ala rin ako time to go to Manila for a visit, kaysa lakwatsa tinutulog ko na lang coz sleep deprived talaga me lately ^^0 Gomen ne, I'll call you pag may plans ako pumunta so we can meet, k?
Ana-nechan, kala ko ba you'll send the FBpic basis? Checked my email kanina ala me natanggap na new email from you. I'll send you the James pic I told you about sa BDay mo, as promised ^^ Yun na lang muna gift ko sayo ha? San mo balak pala pumunta, ba't parang may balak ka atang mag-layas sa bday mo heheh...
Seika-chan! Musta na?! Oist kid, dami mo ng utang na kwento samin! Mag-update ka naman ng blog mo please? Or at least email us so we know what you've been up to? Penge rin pala ng sked mo, ne? How's the layout coming along pala?
Yun lang for now, I need to get back to studying... nagpaparest lang ako ng utak coz sobrang crammed na with info and ala na gustong pumasok sa mga neurons ko ^^0
Wah! Uber miss ko na kayong lahat! I want a vacation~! Ah well, tough luck, I guess...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
One step forward, two steps back. Haaay... Nevermind. It's not gonna go anywhere, so I guess I'll just let things be and let whatever happen happen. I won't force the issue na. Nakakapagod e.
I'm not making sense again, am I? Try to pick my brain and you'll see I'm more normal than most of you guys think ^_^
Friday, April 08, 2005
Took an online quiz with the 6 main illu characters in mind, eto yung mga results:
Anna:
You Are A Walnut Tree |
You are strange and full of contrasts... the oddball of your group. You are unrelenting and you have unlimited ambition. Not always liked but always admired, you are more infamous than famous. You are aggressive and spontaneous, and your reactions are often unexpected. A jealous and passionate person, you are difficult in romantic relationships. |
heheh, that sounds just about right for Anna Flores
***
David:
You Are A Lime Tree |
You are intelligent, hard working, and innately successful. You try to change what you can in life - and you accept what you can't change. Tough on the outside, you are actually soft and relenting. Jealous at times, you are extremely loyal and giving to those you love. You have many talents, but you don't have enough time to use them. |
Ah David David David... I really am looking forward with your encounter with Miko
***
Faye:
You Are A Chestnut Tree |
You are a born diplomat with a well developed sense of justice. And even though you're impressive and intimidating, you're also fun to be around. You can be irritated easily, and you sometimes act superior. Nevertheless, you are sensitive of others feelings and very loyal. Sometimes you feel misunderstood and are fiercely close to those who know you best. |
Diplomat? Weheheh, mana sa tatay?
***
James:
You Are A Hazelnut Tree |
You're a charmer with a killer sense of humor. You are very demanding, but you can also be very understanding. No matter what, you always make a lasting impression - you're quite popular. Passionate, you are an active fighter for social causes and politics. In general, you are moody, honest, a perfectionist, and very sexual. |
Quite apt; quite.
***
Kristina:
You Are A Fir Tree |
You love anything beautiful, and you have extraordinary taste. And while it's hard for you to trust, you care deeply for those close to you. You are a social butterfly, and you have many friends. You handle stress well - and you are a master at relaxing after a hard day. Overall, you are modest, talented, unselfish, and very reliable. |
Uy, sakto!
***
Russell:
You Are A Poplar Tree |
People tend to look up to you, and it's a bit lonely at the top. Inside, you are not always self confident, but you show great courage. Mature and organized, you are reliable in any situation. You tend to have an artistic or philosophical outlook on life. You are very choosy in love and take partnership seriously. |
Di ata bagay... Russell and maturity certainly dont mix that much ^^0
A bee is trying to enter through my window's screen... at least it sounds like a bee trying to enter through my window screen. It could be the neighbor's aircon unit going haywire or something... but nah, it sounds like a bee. Hope it doesn't get in. I'm not very friendly with bees.
Am done reading Da Vinci Code. It's cute, but as usual, I'm not very surprised with the ending. The concept of there being a female counterpart to God isn't new. I've even played with it for the El Estrall plot. All the symbolism aren't exactly surprising. I just feel nice about reading them and affirming somehow that I'm not the only one in the world who interpreted things in this particular light. Of course now I feel like changing some of my symbols for the El Estrall world... but then again maybe I won't. So what if Dan Brown used them. The darn symbols aren't exclusively his.
I know I'm not making any sense to you. Anyways, it's a good read, the book. I couldn't put it down. The way the author incorporated all those factual places and events and people gives the entire plot some feel of truth, but it is a plot of a fictional story. I don't get why people would think it's real, but it is a nice read. Entertaining, but kinda predictable. Gah, I hate what you taught me Tanglao-Aguas! Nah, not really... just hate the fact that I never seem to just appreciate a good story coz I know too much how it's gonna flow. Hay...
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
Bought an illustrated copy of the Da Vinci Code today while waiting for my reg form; siyempre pagbalik ko sa school the people there had varying reactions to the fact that I bought the blasted book in the first place. Most of my classmates commented that I bought and wasted my money on yet another book - ba't di na lang daw ako bumili ng damit. Sir Farley asked me why I just didn't borrow his copy, not that he told me he had a copy in the first place and then promptly adviced me to pray first before reading the thing - weird. And Alec was trying to wrestle it from me so he could take it home and read it first...Hay ^^0 Why don't they all just leave me alone with my book?
Sunday, April 03, 2005
At around 4am today I woke up at the sound of a tolling bell coming from the television. Mom was watching CNN and she was crying; I didn’t need her to say what I already knew. Pope John Paul II had died.
As we watched the news, Mom said something about the sound of bells, of how they at times reflected the mood of the people around them. The bell that woke me up sounded melancholy. It reverberated with loss. Unbidden, tears came to my eyes. I don’t know from where or why. They just came. Every time I saw someone in the news weeping, they came easily to my eyes, flowing.
I know I’m being melodramatic, but it’s just the way it was.
Sometimes I hate being right. I told my mom some days ago that the pope won’t recover. When I heard about his condition, I knew from what I’ve been studying that hope was very slim for him to recover or even live any longer. And I was right. I wasn’t surprised when the news reported that his condition worsened. It was just the way things were with the human body. But I wasn’t happy about being right.
Now he’s dead. But what a great death... to have so many people – millions – mourning the loss of one’s life and still have those same people say that he had lived a great life... I envy him. I envy the fact that he had helped so many people and touched so many people’s lives. I envy the hope and faith he renewed in everyone he met; I wish I could accomplish half of what he has done in his life.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Umberto Eco: The Name of the Rose. You are a
mystery novel dealing with theology, especially
with catholic vs liberal issues. You search
wisdom and knowledge endlessly, feeling that
learning is essential in life.
Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
***
Spent most of yesterday with Sir Farley, editing and rewriting his articles for the Nightingale. I still find the entire experience funny. Funny in both meanings of the word.
Funny as in hilarious coz there were a lot of moments that made me just smile or laugh out loud; and funny in a weird kind of sense coz I don’t normally open up as much as that when I’m around people I know as little as him.
Just didn’t feel like acting my usual stuck up self, I guess. Plus he was very easy to get along with and talk with.
The silences weren’t awkward. You know, those moments when we weren’t talking? It just was okay for me that we were both just sitting there and we weren’t saying anything (I dunno ano iniisip niya during those times though and if he was okay with the silences).
Had yesterday happened several months ago I would have had a very different reaction than I’m having today but now though... I dunno. It’s just nice having spent a day like that with someone I can talk with about just anything under the sun. Because I miss those kinds of conversations with my friends.
One other thing to note pa pala: I’m just grateful he changed out of his school uniform into that basketball jersey. I know he told Sir Jenel he thought it looked hip, but somehow I get the feeling na nakikibagay lang siya sa suot ko – was wearing my stupid PE uniform coz we were supposed to have our finals but then my prof up and decided wag na lang. And yeah, I have 1 PE class, coz di nacredit, ok? – Either nakikibagay siya or naawa siya sakin so he decided to wear that so I won’t look too odd wearing what I’m wearing...? Dunno. I’m just thankful he’s considerate enough to do that. Whether he's even conscious about why or not.