How odd.

My mother was telling me about a missing girl during lunch yesterday. Apparently this 10-year-old girl never went home after school the other day. Her parents came over my mom’s school, asking my mother’s fellow teacher, the girl’s class adviser if she came in that morning. She didn’t. They asked her classmates and friends if they’ve seen her, but apart from having seen her the day before when they left each other to go home, they haven’t even had a glimpse of her since.

I wasn’t really minding much what my mother was telling me, but a thought came to mind that maybe she got kidnapped. Worse, I thought, she could have been raped. Even worse than that, killed. This just flashed through my mind as possible scenarios when things like these happen. Then I remember thinking that she might have just run away from home. It isn’t that unnatural for a girl that age.

Then hours later, when my mother came home, she told me that some of the girl’s neighbors found her body. She’s dead. That momentary idea of mine during lunch, about her being raped and killed, was after all true. She was gagged. Her ribs were broken in several places. Her clothes were all torn to shreds. And her neck was slit.

Although this is terrible news to hear, I felt oddly nothing. I wasn’t surprised. I wasn’t that horrified. Although I didn’t know this poor girl, I should at least feel something about what happened to her, right? Outrage, perhaps? Anger? Hatred for people who could be so inhumane as to do this kind of thing to anyone, let alone an innocent 10-year old 4th grader who was just coming back home from school.

Instead, I felt decidedly nothing. How apathetic I’ve become.

Yehey!!! Ana-nechan passed the Civil Service Exam!!! This is cause for a celebration, right? *chants: Libre! Libre! Libre! Libre! Libre!*

Anyway, Saintski told me she's in Legazpi right now for the burial of her... grandma was it?

Hm, makes me wonder if we'll be attending a funeral as well in the near future. I hope not. Although I hope my aunt and her siblings and family don't get to read this, I've somewhat readied myself on hearing about my aunt's mother dying. She hasn't regained consciousness yet even after three or more months, the doctors have fairly given up on her recovering, so... methinks it's just waiting for the inevitable news that she’s gonna die.

Bad of me, I know. It’s odd that I feel such a certain distance from it all. Like I don’t care, but I know that deep inside, I do care. I guess I just don’t want the grief to touch me. She was such a nice old lady. Something like a grandmother to me also even when she’s not. In the end, I hope there’s really heaven, and I hope she goes directly there or wherever she could be happy. Such a waste of a perfectly good person if her soul ends when her life ends.

See what I mean? I’m treating her demise as inevitable. I guess death does come for everybody. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t feel so affected. I don’t want to test it. I don’t want anyone close to me dying just so I’d feel affected by death. I’m not wishing for that. I wish everyone could live forever, that is, everyone that I care for. All the people who are irretrievably evil can die off one after another for all I care.

That’s the second time I lost what I typed as a post for my blog so what I’ll do now is type it before I go online. That way I get to save time on the net plus I won’t lose any more posts.

As I said in what I wrote in the blog editor before it went awry on me, this post just might become a rant about anything and everything. Then again, it just might NOT be one after all. We’ll see. So here goes!

I’ve been watching this show called Nigella Bites daily at around 10 am on a Japanese channel on the cable. It’s a cooking show and I just love the way the host cooks! She makes it look so simple and easy! The way I know cooking is that it’s a chore. It takes at least half a day for us here at home to cook a meal either for lunch or dinner. The chopping of all those ingredients, from the standard onions and garlic to virtually everything that’s needed for the recipe, is such a tiring job. Cooking, at least here at home, is work. That’s not the case with Nigella. Her kitchen’s a wonder! It’s so well stocked and well equipped that she gets everything done in a jiff! I want her kitchen! Then again, what aspiring cook/chef wouldn’t?

I was listening to a random show in the fm radio this morning while having breakfast when the two people – a guy and a girl – started talking about their favorite types of foods. They went from favorite to the most exotic foodstuff they’ve eaten or encountered. Then the girl mentioned the saying, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” and the guy answered her by saying that it isn’t necessarily the food that a girl/woman cooks that makes her win the man’s heart but the fact that she would love/like him enough to cook for him in the first place. I guess that makes sense. Yes, cooking could be a chore. But from my meager experience, it does seem easier and more satisfying to cook when I’m cooking for somebody other than myself. That somebody doesn’t have to be a guy, it could be my friends or my family; but whichever the case, I feel better at cooking and seeing the food I cooked being eaten by people I care for. Makes for a warm fuzzy and proud feeling inside when they finish off the food I serve them and even ask for seconds! Feels nice ^_^

APN’s over. I’m glad. It went okay, it seems. From my point of view anyway, logistically speaking, that is,since that’s what we volunteered to help with. The decorations were nice (hehehe, love your own!), food was good and was more than enough for everyone who attended, didn’t have to pay for my entrance (btw that boycott plan I had wouldn’t have worked since our booth was inside the door) since the Anime Club sponsored us (THANKS!!!), and was more or less not bored out of my mind (mainly because I had a pretty busy time ignoring almost everything going on around me and focusing my energies on finishing Gem’s Sandman books.) My one and only task was to hand out the RO2 flyers, talk to anyone kind enough to stop and look at our booth, and that’s that. Didn’t mingle. Wasn’t in the mood for it.

I had two haircuts. The first was at Fix at Glorietta. I don’t recommend anybody going there for haircuts coz I had a really bad experience with one of their hairdressers. Just one. Too bad I didn’t get his name so I could diss him to high hell. That blasted goddamned “person” wasn’t in the right mood to handle hair in the first place since he looked pissed off about something. I wanted my hair layered. He did layer it. Asked him rather nicely if he could please make the cut shorter. He then proceeded to cut off the layered parts and thereby making a rather coconut-husk-grade-school-like haircut of which the only positive aspect to it was that it refreshed me somewhat coz it took hair off the back of my neck. I had that kind of haircut last when I was in grade three, if I’m not mistaken. And contrary to what that middle-aged homosexual said, it didn’t look nice.

My second haircut was at our friend, Mits’ place. We – me, Ana, and Gem – went there to have our hair done for the APN. Now, this place I can and will recommend to anyone. The staff there is nice. They’re not in any hurry and take their time actually making you feel better about the way you look. They’re more, I dunno, humane. If that’s the term. I dunno. Maybe it’s just me. But the times I had a gay hairdresser touch my hair with a pair of scissors all ended up in disasters. I guess, in a weird way, I do understand them. Take out the competition. Right? Heheheh!!! Maybe if they made all the women they have as customers in their saloons all look hideous, they’d have higher chances getting men for themselves? Hehehe!!! As I said, it’s a rather weird way of thinking about it, but heck, it’s my only way of rationalizing losing Php165 for a disastrous haircut. So, BEWARE OF HOMOSEXUAL HAIRDRESSERS!!!

I think this is long enough. I’ll end here. Told you it’ll be a long rant. It’ll just get longer if I don’t force myself to stop right now. So I’m stopping. At least, for now.

Ahhhhhhhhh... my shoulders hurt. So does my head, somewhat. I feel tired. Long weekend. Much like the previous ones, only this time I went out Friday and came back today, Tuesday. Gods five blasted days lugging those hideously heavy backpack and paperbags.

I'll write about what happend later. Don't really feel like doing so now. Gotta check my email. School and work is out by the way. Coz of the anniversary of the 1st EDSA Revolution.

Bw, I had my hair cut. Twice. There's a story to this but I really don't feel like typing it up. Tell you about it later. Really.

I still haven't packed. I kinda don't wanna go, but of course I would go since I made promises to help. I just don't feel like it much. I'm trying not to remember the saying that "promises are made to be broken". Forget I wrote that!

I got hold of my highschool bestfriend again. Turns out Ruth already had her baby. It's a girl. Born January 23, 2003. Wow! Who'd have thought back then that good ol' Ruth'll have a family in such a few years?! I'm happy for her. She seemed very happy with her life. Her husband's the guy she brought to our JS Prom. Aww, isn't that sweet? They never lost contact even after highschool.

Contrary to how I might've sounded in the above paragraph, I am not, in any way envious of my friend. I cannot imagine myself married and with kids at my age. It just seems so constricting, that kind of life. I dunno. Maybe it's just me, but then again, my friends are mostly like this as well. They're not really into marrying early or if they were they aren't interested in having kids yet. As one of them said, "I could barely take care of myself." So how in hell are we supposed to take care of a kid if that's the case? My mother agrees with me on this. I don't know if I should be relieved or insulted. *snickers* Well, you guys know how I am, right? In case you don't know me that well, well... sorry about not explaining things further.

It's almost 9 am. We're going at around 10. As I said, I still have to pack. Gotta go!!!

Going out again tomorrow for the APN. Not that I really wanna go. I still have no dress, can't buy anything considering I've no money so I guess I'll have to stick to that black dress I have.

I told my mom that I have to pay for my entrance for the APN, Php300, and her eyebrows virtually went up. Why, she asked, was I still obliged to pay when I've been helping out making the decorations. I don't get paid by helping, and I actually spend money by going there to help in the first place and I still need to pay the entrance fee so that I could help out during the event?! Everyone I tell here about this "deal" gets pissed off for me. They know how tired I came home during the last two weekends and the only thanks I seem to be getting is, well, none.

I'm obviously ranting. Can't help it. I LOVE to rant.

I'm tempted to not attend the APN. Or at least if I'm going I'm not gonna bloody enter the goddamned area. I'll stay at the RO2 booth, man it for the whole evening, and just tell the people who actually paid for tickets to deliver whatever messages we've been paid to deliver. I'll bring my own blasted food. And probably a book so I won't get too bored. Really. Yeah. I'll do exactly that. Now my only problem is what to wear coz I really don't feel like wearing that blasted black dress ^^;

Mwehehehhe... got nothing to do so I read both Emma's and Ana's blogs. Just to note one thing: Ems is into ranting about boredom while Ana, well, she's into ranting. Period. Why do I say that? Hmmm... maybe because of the really long posts per day? Then again, I'm also guilty of that ^^; No wonder we're friends ahahhaha!!!

Nothing much happened since yesterday. I slept. And slept. And slept. My excuse: I felt tired. That's all. Oh! And one other thing: I ate. Mweheheheehe!!! No wonder I can't get any pounds off, ne? ^^;

I don't really have anything worthwhile to say here. I don't feel like typing anything except the inane habit of typing just what comes into mind.

About to check my email. As if I don't do that daily these days... nothing important in the emails. Just jokes and stuff. MLs. I'm a lurker there. Hell, I'm a lurker everywhere. I love to watch, that's why. I sometimes hate to participate. Call it apathy or being antisocial, I dunno... I just don't feel like talking to people at times. I like to listen to them, but having to have to talk back takes a lot of energy to do coz it means I'll have to remember every single thing they just said instead of letting it pass through me like so much wind.

Okay, at least I was able to actually write something, right? I'll end it here. I'm just feeling numb and lethargic that's all. And when I'm like that, when somebody interrupts my thoughts, I normally bite ^________^

Mwehehehhe... got nothing to do so Iread both Emma's and Ana's blogs. Just to note one thing: Ems is into ranting about boredom while Ana, well, she's into ranting. Period. Why do I say that? Hmmm... maybe because of the really long posts per day? Then again, I'm also guilty of that ^^; No wonder we're friends ahahhaha!!!

Nothing much happened since yesterday. I slept. And slept. And slept. My excuse: I felt tired. That's all. Oh! And one other thing: I ate. Mweheheheehe!!! No wonder I can't get any pounds off, ne? ^^;

I don't really have anything worthwhile to say here. I don't feel like typing anything except the inane habit of typing just what comes into mind.

About to check my email. As if I don't do that daily these days... nothing important in the emails. Just jokes and stuff. MLs. I'ma lurker there. Hell, I'm a lurker everywhere. I love to watch, that's why. I sometimes hate to participate. Call it apathy or being antisocial, I dunno... I just don't feel like talking to people at times. I like to listen to them, but having to have to talk back takes a lot of energy to do coz it means I'll have to remember every single thing they just said instead of letting it pass through me like so much wind.

Okay, at least I was able to actually write something, right? I'll end it here. I'm just feeling numb and lethargic that's all. And when I'm like that, when somebody interrupts my thoughts, I normally bite ^________^

Ahhhhhhhh... home. Why is it that when I'm here I can't wait to get out and when I am out I can't wait to get back? I guess that there's no place better than where you're not.

Anyway, I've had another "long weekend". Friday I left the house and met with Ana, Aileen, and Emma. Why is it that the four of us have minds sometimes so alike that we simultaneously say something aloud? Watched Hero on Saturday with the same trio. My 2nd time watch it but I didn't get bored. I just love the colors and fight scenes ^_^ among all the characters there, the one that strikes me most is Broken Sword. I guess I just like tragic characters. Sunday at Gem's.

I got home at around 8pm. My mom was beside herself with worry: my cellphone dies out on me so she wasn't able to contact me. I still have permission to go next weekend though ^^;

Is it that obvious that I'm bored? I'm not doing anything except edit this blog. Put up more links. Hope you guys check 'em out. If not, perfectly fine with me ^^; I just put them there for easy access for little ol' me ^_^

Had a particularly odd dream last night. I was out with Emski and Aileen shopping for clothes. What made it odd was that Ems was pregnant in the dream. Pregnant and particularly happy. Happy spending what I presume is the guy's money, shopping for clothes. I'm currently telling Ems about it and she's laughing her heart out I think, ne Ems? *lol* I hope it's gonna be that guy you've told me about ^_~

I'll probably get scolded at again for staying up so late. Well, it's only because I was asleep almost the whole afternoon yesterday, and now I couldn't sleep. Sucks to be me, ne?

Anyways, I added some more online quizzes to the Killer's Rant index page. Please check 'em out if you have time. The link to my site's at the left, after the I am feeling whatever part with the weird looking smiley ^^;

Oh hell... I just lost what I wrote here ten minutes ago because of network lagging. Argh!!!

Anyways, here's a gist of what I wrote before:

1) It's raining.
2) It's Aileen's birthday. She just turned my age.
3) I feel lethargic and depressed because of the goddamned rain, not because it's Ai's bday ^_^

That's all. That's the essence of it but of course I lost the nice additions I wrote about each topic because of the lag. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!

Wheeeeeeeee!!! My mom actually agreed about me going to Saint's place on the night of the 14th!!! Hear that Emski? Pa-overnight sa inyo!!! *lol*

Oh yeah! Got my Mom and Dad's permission to go on the 15th and 22nd. Wonder what they'll say about the 14th and me going to Saint's place? ^_____^

Just had a really long "working" weekend so to speak.

Saturday:
Went to MegaMall to meet with Ana and the rest of the RO2 people so we could work on the decorations for the AnimeProm the Yaoi Dudes have organized. Our dear president didn't show up until around 6pm and considering we were supposed to make the decorations at her house, well, all I gotta say is we kinda wasted the whole Saturday morning and afternoon doing absolutely nothing towards that aim of making decors.

Hmmm... wait a minute, I guess the day wasn't totally wasted since me and Neechan saw Jet Li's movie "Hero" and it was really so goddamned cool!!! I like the plot and the efftects. The fight scenes all looked so graceful, esp. the one between Flying Snow (was it?) and Moon. Astig!!!!!

Then when Gem came we bought art suppiles and went to her Taytay home. We got there at around 9 or something. We them proceeded to make those darned flowers. They're supposed to be roses but heck, we couldn't make them look like roses! It took around 30 minutes to make just one measely flower!

Sunday:
Overnight at Gem's so the next day we finally met her numerous relations. Man! So many aunts and uncles and cousins in one roof! Must be fun. Very different atmosphere from my home. Very, very different.

Anyways, we woke up kinda late since we all didn't sleep early trying to make those darned roses. Um, there's one exception to that: Ana-neechan who just dropped dead like a fallen log instantly asleep when her head hit the pillow. I couldn't sleep coz, as Gem said, namamahay ako. I don't know how Ana does it. She just so easily adjusts to a place. I just can't do that. My mom says she's like that too, so I'm thinking it's part of my genes ^_^;

Well, Hazel went home at around 10 promising to come back later in the afternoon, which she did. Then we went to meet Robert and Ernie at the new venue. Made plans on layouts and stuff and then bought some more art supplies at Natio and went back to Gem's house. We were met there by the other YD people. I thanked the good spirits for giving us more manpower coz left to ourselves, we would NEVER finish working on those blasted flowers, let alone the other decors planned for the event. The others stayed up until 10 pm, meaning I had to stay overnight at Gem's again since I couldn't very well go home to Pampanga that late.

Monday:
Finally went home. We didn't do a thing about the decors this day coz we were just plain tired.

I've a few gripes about the whole AnimeProm deal... One: no discounts. Two: I'm still wondering whether RO2 would even get an acknowledgement or citation from YD for helping with the Logistics. I won't go into detail about any of those coz I don't really have the energy to rant today.

I'm supposed to meet Ana and Gem again tomorrow for a trip to Divisoria to buy more stuff to use for the event. I don't know if I would indeed go. I'm running out of money for transpo alone. I'm not even sure I'll be able to go to the prom itself for crying out loud! This is what makes the no discount thing soooo... as I said, I am not gonna rant.

Hmmm... I feel undecidedly euphoric for some reason.

Today my moods just keep swinging back and forth: from numb to irritation to gladness to anger to well, right now I feel elated. More or less. *shrugs*

My relationship with my mother isn't too keen today. Started with a fight last night about a pretty petty stuff... blown way right out of proportion. My fault actually, oh well...

I don't really feel like writing anything lately, and I just don't know why. Feels like I'm in a writing slump. Nothing comes to mind. I mean for example, I have this certain scene in mind for Kirei chapter 8 but I just couldn't seem to find the right words to use to depict it! It's frustrating!!! Dammit!!

And what makes it worse is that I'm between books! I just finished reading Feist's Empire Trilogy. I already read all his other books so I'm left with no reading material whatsoever and it just pisses me off coz I want to read more of that world and I've run out of things to read!

Anyway, I'm thinking of starting with the Dune saga, particularly the newer books about the Harkonen and Atreides families that I bought about a year ago but I've no heart on opening, let alone reading, them.

I HATE BEING IN BETWEEN BOOKS!!! Make that in between authors. Each has his/her own writing style and being used to Feist's right now I'm not in the mood to delve into someone else's.

Well, maybe there's one but I've got no resources to buy it right now. *sniffs* I want my RJ WoT Book 10!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaa...........

It's a New Year today, at least for the Chinese it is. We ate tikoy, wore green underwear and red clothes all day, all for luck from what I heard; but that's all we did to celebrate it. My family's not in any way Chinese obviously...

Helped cook for half a day. Chicken curry, beef steak, bean sprouts and "binabaeng" alimango. Yes folks, we even have homosexual crabs!!!