Updated Killer's Rant at last. It's on a new url... got tired of Freewebs. Still trying to get a hold of Yaten to get web hosting. The layout's new. I've yet to upload most of the good stuff. The pages are there, it's just that the content isn't yet, but if you guys are kind enough to visit there and check things out for me... you know, if all the links are working and all, please do so ^_^

Btw, I just discovered that "feifu" is an actual place in Vietnam ^_________^ Makes me somewhat wanna go there and visit.

I’m no food critic but I think I discovered two culinary treasure coves during my rather busy week.

First one was the quaint bakeshop in Makati called Becky’s Kitchen.

The structure’s an old fashioned bahay-na-bato style of house painted white and probably restored to its more or less original grandeur. I thought at first that it was a restaurant where you could eat in but to my delighted surprise, it turned out to be a small but very busy bakeshop. Tried a slice of blueberry cheesecake, rhum cake, ensaymada, and brownies. All were soft delectable concoctions that simply melt in the mouth. I especially liked the blueberry cheesecake for they liberally put a generous amount of blueberry all over the cheesecake’s top unlike the one I normally buy at Red Ribbon’s. The price is more or less the same as Red Ribbon’s. Add a few pesos on some items.

Everything’s for take out. They don’t have tables where you could eat for the place open to the public was too small, but it was well worth the wait in line – you’d be handed a number by the security guard that the sales ladies at the counter would call out to let you know that it’s your turn to order.

So to all of you staying in or near Makati, hope you already know about this place. If not, just tell me and I’ll hound my cousin about the exact address so I could give it to you so could find the place and try out their really yummy products, ne?

The second one is the halo-halo at Razon’s along the road to Guagua, Pampanga.

It doesn’t look much at first, having none of those various colored gulamans and sagos we normally find in halo-halos, but once you try it you’d truly be hooked and want to come back for more or at least order another serving.

The ingredients are minimal, as I said, it certainly wasn’t colorful in the least. Only the ever present shaved ice, sweetened macapuno and saging na saba, milk, and creamy leche flan on top. No sugar to add to taste needed. The milk they used is not the usual evaporated canned milk we put in our halo-halos. It tasted somewhat like fresh carabao’s milk or something like a cross between fresh carabao’s milk and full cream milk. I really couldn’t pinpoint what kind of milk it was but I found myself drinking up the last dregs of my glass. The ice was so perfectly shaven that your spoon sinks right to the bottom when you start to mix the halo-halo, and wonder of wonders, it doesn’t melt that fast as well that even when you’ve been eating your glass full of halo-halo goodness for several minutes, even when you’re already almost done with your serving, crystals of shaved ice are still visible. All in all, it’s a perfect merienda for the summer and I truly can’t wait till I get the chance to come back to Razon’s and eat their halo-halo again.

Funny thing was, on the wall were some articles from the newspaper written by my former non-fiction creative writing professor, the late Doreen Fernandez. She knew about Razon’s since they were just a small stall inside a remote subdivision in Guagua. Should’ve asked that dear old woman, when I had the chance, all about the great places to eat here in my home province since she apparently knew all of them!

Minna, next time you visit me in Pampanga, remind me to take you to Razon’s and try out the halo-halo, ne?

Heheh, so much for dieting… Obvious bang may sweet tooth ako? ^_~

Been busy the last couple of days and I’m not even half done yet with the wedding coming up on Sunday and the feast of St. Joseph on May 2 where I’m in charge of buying and arranging the flowers that’ll be used at the church.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I’m tired!

I’ve been traveling from Makati and back coz we accompanied Tita Betty to her stay at Makati Med since last week. She gets so nervous about staying at the hospital that she constantly needs at least five people around her just to keep her mind off the fact that she is inside a hospital room. Problem is, she already checked out the other day when her treatment’s not even half over yet. The purpose of her going there is that she had to stay off her feet and have bed rest or at least a week. Trouble is, she kept on wanting to go home or somewhere else. She kept on going downstairs or walking to the chapel… hence the prolonged stay. My mom’s going with her later for her check up with her doctor.

Took the Assumption entrance exam for Nursing yesterday. It was ok. The test had two parts. The first part was much like how the Civil Service exam was. The second part was different though… They distributed a single bond paper with a drawing of an eye and some definitions about how the eye functions. Then they told us we had ten minutes to memorize all the data contained in it. After ten minutes, they took the paper back and gave us the question booklets and answer sheets. The part of the test about the parts and functions of the eye was actually the easiest. The questions were simple although almost all were pertaining to something medical. And the terms used… I’m just glad I’m an English major and had the advantage of having encountered those words in another context before I took that test… coz I heard another who took the test complaining to her friend about those words. Anyway, I’ll know the results on May 5.

Btw, it’s Ana-neechan’s birthday today!

*sings*: Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday to you!

I won’t ask you what your age is anymore. I already know ^_~

My heart aches when I listen to Josh Groban sing. Emski’s right. His voice is divine!

The problem is, when I listen to his songs, particularly You’re Still You, I get depressed.

It isn’t really a depressing song, but like when I listen to Threading the Lightless Night (from Ayatsuri Sakon) my heart feels heavy and somewhat hopeful at the same time. But the point is, both songs manage to make me feel depressed.

And contrary to what you may all think, this is an actual good thing.

Yes.

I’m weird that way.

I like being depressed because I feel more creative when I am in that mood. Like my mind tries to fight off the depression by giving me so many ideas that just come out naturally and so instantly that it sometimes surprises me what I’m able to write or draw or make.

Depression is good. Just don’t make me think too much on why I get depressed with these songs. I don’t want a post mortem. Just look up for the lyrics and try to understand why. That’s all I can really say.

Another dream:

It was supposed to be a field trip of a sort. I was there with my classmates – both from high school and college – and was having quite a great time. The place was separated into two. The first area was where all the events were supposed to be held and the second area was where we kept our baggage. I left my bags and other stuff at the second area to look at what’s happening at the first area. There was a concert being held there. I didn’t particularly like the music the bands were playing so I don’t understand now why I stayed so long in there.

Apparently after the concert there was to be a sort of testing or a quiz show. I think the idea was that we would all go on stage one at a time and explain a previous lesson. So the longer you wait to go onstage, the more intricate the lesson and what you have to explain becomes.

But I couldn’t go onstage yet for we needed all our notes and things for it and I was bringing none for they were in the other area and we were forbidden to get them. But get them I still tried to do. When I got back the other area, it looked different. If a place could look devastated, then that’s probably how it looked. Destroyed.

I couldn’t find my things at first. The spot where I left them was in a total mess. My things were half buried and I had to dig them out. Upon digging them out, I discovered that I had a sword and a spear among my things. Not far away from them, I again dug out two coins.

One coin had an engraving or a picture of a flame embossed on its surface on one side and a snowflake on its other side. The other coin had the picture of an angel with wings unfurled on one side and an oak tree, I think, on the other. I somewhat understood that once you took hold of either the sword or the spear with coins in hand, the coins would add strength to the weapon therefore to me.

Let me explain this in more detail: the first coin can give the power of fire and ice to the bearer. But the power I can receive depends on the way I’m holding the coin. If the side of the coin that has the snowflake were pressed against the sword for example, then I would be protected from cold. Immune to cold, actually. And the sword would then be able to spew out fire or have the added effect of fire to its attack. If it’s the flame that’s facing the weapon, then the bearer’s protected from fire while being able to attack with ice. Get it? The power of the other coin by the way is this – angel: facing weapon means the ability to heal and flight while if facing outwards gives the bearer the power of the strength of wind & the tree: facing the weapon gives the bearer supernatural strength while when outwards will give the ability of the element earth to whoever is using the coin.

So you’ll have to be wise and choose which side of which coin to use against your opponent. And it’s very hard to use the sword and the spear at the same time.

I think that when the officials of the quiz at the other area learned of what I had in my hand, they panicked. They didn’t want a mere student to have such powers. They took the weapons from me. I managed to hide the coins. Then I stole the spear back and with the second coin, took flight with the intent of escaping this horrible place once and for all.

The officials sent someone after me. A man. A boy. He, I think, was a friend before this, but when they gave him the sword and the first coin of ice and fire, the chase began. I don’t remember how they got the ice/fire coin but there it really was with my former friend and he was using it against me. For some reason, he already had the ability to fly even without the angel/tree coin. In my dream, I remember thinking that this man was in truth an actual angel or ad been one and with the sword given to him, he was able to once again gain his former powers. Kind of unfair but then what could I do?

I kept trying to escape and he kept stopping me when I tried. So I really had no choice but to fight him. I think it broke my heart when I realized I had no choice but to do so. Anyway, so we fought. It was a long and hard battle.

A lot of the other students were getting killed or hurt and they all blamed me for it for this wouldn’t have all happened had I just had my things with me in the first place and been studying in the baggage area instead of partying at the event area. This wouldn’t have happened had I just stayed put at the event area when the time to stay there came, and patiently waited my time at the stage and been utterly humiliated for not having my notes. I just had to be a rebel and sneak out the event area to get my things, didn’t I? See what happened because of my stubbornness and irresponsibility? It was my entire fault.

And here I was with a broken heart literally fighting for my life and my freedom against a person I once loved. Maybe someone I still loved. I think that was why I hesitated so much at using the full powers of my spear and coin against him and all I had been doing during out fight was defend myself against his attacks. How heartrending is that?

I remember hiding in a corner, knowing that my opponent was coming and that he’s already very near. He could probably hear my heart beating so loud. Just when I felt tears welling up and about to fall, because I was trapped in a corner and had just decided to finally use everything I had against him, I woke up.

Now as I try to remember his face, I couldn’t. But I know that in the waking world, I haven’t met him yet. I dread doing so.

Based on the answers to the following questions, the outcome of a war can be forecast:
1) Which party has the strongermoral cause?
2) Which has the better general?
3) Which has the advantage of climate and terrain?
4) Which has the superior army- better tained officers, more disciplined men, order and efficient management, a better system of rewards and punishment?

This came from "The Art of War" which is a treatise on Chinese military science compled at around 500 B.C. Just thought that however long ago 500 B.C. is, the same questions still apply to wars we have today. Which makes me wonder at the ancient Chinese... how much knowledge did they acquire in their studies to be able to supply, until today, the basic principles behind most of the more intricate objects or events that we have in this world. How much did they understand about how humanity worked?

I have a mean streak and can be a bully. That’s true, I admit it.

I really can’t explain it. I don’t know where it comes from. Just that sometimes, when I’m really pissed off or when someone really just ticks me off, my thoughts turn to things that I can do to that person to hurt him or her in the most painful and long-term way. I want to see that particular person writhing in pain. Maybe have rats slowly eat his eyes out, or something similar if not worse than that…

Hmmm… pain.

I’m suddenly reminded of the Way of the Leaf. It’s a concept found in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time; the principle behind the Tinker’s lifestyle. Never inflict pain. Instead of defending one’s life, you just run away when somebody wants to hurt you. Not necessarily because you’re afraid of the person who wants to hurt you, but because you don’t want this person to suffer the consequences of inflicting pain on you.

The ax that fells the tree does not come out unscathed. Although the tree dies, since it is cut down by the ax, the ax also inflicts damage upon itself by hurting the tree: the ax losses its sharpness. The tree’s sap corrodes its metal and the trunk’s hardness chips away its edge.

Same as when you inflict pain on another person. Try to slap a person and the hand that you used to slap that person with feels the sting of the slap. The harder the slap the more intense the sting you feel upon your palm.

Maybe this is the reason that I stop myself from doing what my mind makes me think up of when I’m angry and wanting to inflict pain on the person I’m angry with. I don’t want to damage myself irrevocably. In the end, maybe it’s just another form of self-preservation. Or maybe I’m just a coward. I don’t want to face the pain I am so seemingly willing to inflict.

Maybe other people are like me too. Can you imagine if we all didn’t control ourselves and just went about on a killing/torturing rampage whenever something pissed us off? Maybe that’s why we have consciences. Not to make us see and choose what’s right but to help us see and choose to do what’s practical.

~ ~ ~
Kurl: Ei, belated Happy Birthday! sorry talaga I wasn't able to call and greet you during your bday. I thought it was on the 18th, tapos nakita ko yung naisulat ko dati na bdays nyo ng kapatid mo and I realized my mistake. Gomen... Anyways, hope you had a great day.

Ana: Me? Funny? Me? Hmmm... wonder why...?

Tin: Baka makita mo si Jenny Ramirez dun sa Clark. She's my classmate who's also in YFC and she told me about the conference sa Clark some time ago. Kalimutan ko nga lang na meron nga pala hehehe!

Have you guys seen that Bon Jovi video where a guy jumped from a building as his girlfriend was passing below so she sees him hurtling down and of course assumes he’s committing suicide maybe because they had a fight or something but then when the song nears its ending the guy pulls out a parachute with the words “will you marry me?” printed in the canopy… did you see it already? Coz damn, it’s cute! Plus the fact that I’m still more or less a Bon Jovi fan – was really into them when I was in sixth grade – so the whole video just appealed to the sleeping romantic in me. Heheh… *sighs*

Anyway, what have I been up to? Still waiting for the BSP results. Still waiting for the Nueva Ecija school TOR evaluation results. Still waiting for the 24th to come so I could take that blasted test. Still waiting on Tin and Ana to tell me when they’re gonna come over here for a visit so we could work on Illusion. Still waiting to see if this liquid diet would actually work, well it would or so my cousin’s wife – who’s a doctor, btw – said if I give it a few months. Still waiting for the perfect guy to come around and sweep me off my feet – hey, I did tell you I’m in a romantic mood coz of that blasted video coz normally I wouldn’t even admit to that; sides it’s hard to find just the right guy coz I’m too choosy for my own good, but then why settle for someone you don’t really like when you could have someone you do like, right?

Enough of that. As you can see, I’m in wait-mode. Suffice it to say I’m in a comma stage of my life. Remember the … , ! ? but no . post? Well, that’s that.

I am on strawberries-and-cream-high mode. My mom’s friend gave us a BASKET full of fresh strawberries she bought from Bagiuo. Gods! I’m just about fed up with their taste. Been eating them the whole bloody day. Specifically with that Magnolia All Purpose Cream with condensed milk dip. Yum! ^____^ But methinks I’m already suffering from sugar high. Too much of a good thing is bad. Yeah, yeah, I know. But we really can’t let those scrumptious berries go to waste now, can we? And to think my mom’s already given half the basket’s content to my aunt. Methinks my cousins are just about fed up with them as I am right now.

Btw, I’m typing this up while drinking a soya milk+strawberries+banana blended smoothie. Try it out, why don’t you. It’s deliciously semi-sinful. I’m saying semi coz soya milk’s supposed to be not that bad for you. Actually, soya’s supposed to be good. Healthier. So are fruits, right? And there’s nothing wrong with ice coz it'sjust water, right? So all in all, I have a really healthy power drink going down my throat right now. Bloody nice, eh?

Speaking of drinks and health… watched this show where they were discussing what’s healthy to drink. They made some tests and it seems that distilled drinking water’s the best of all the bottled mineral water out in the market. It’s supposed to be the cleanest.

Next on the healthy drink list is carrot juice. Supposedly because when you run carrots through the juicer and then drink the liquid that comes out of the carrots you get 90% of the carrot’s nutrients while you only get 35% if you chew it. Some explanation about easier digestion and such was given but I don’t really want to get into that.

I forgot which comes next but soya drinks are also supposedly good. So are lemonaides or limenaids or any juice made from citrus fruits. They made this orange-lime-grapefruit drink that looked real nice. Then there are the fruit smoothies. Just don’t add anything with preservatives.

Coffee’s bad. Coz of caffeine. Aw… damn. And here I really like coffee. The perfect wake-me-up-er.

Soft drinks/colas are also bad. So I guess Diet Coke’s out of the question when it comes to healthy and low-fat / low-calorie drinks, ne? They didn’t say anything about beer or any other alcoholic drinks though. Since I’m not really into getting drunk, I won’t dwell on them either.

Hmmm… why the sudden health conscious post? I dunno, really. It’s just something interesting for me. Plus I’m trying to go on a mostly liquid diet so… *shrug* I guess that’s my reason behind that.

Just something I heard on tv…

Life should be made of the following:
…
,
?
!
but never a
.
Coz if you set a period on your life, you stagnate. Changes stop, and so does your life. It is a state worse than death.

I think I’ll have to agree. Imagine if you never experience change. Imagine if your life stays the same till you finally die. That’ll be hell. Pure hell.

Things I really like:

The smell of baby powder on my mother’s skin after she just took a shower.
Fresh strawberries dipped in a mixture of cream and condensed milk.
Mint chocolate ice cream and cookies.
Snuggling inside my red sleeping bag while the air conditioner’s on full.
Cooking a meal for friends who’ll be coming over.
Writing stories late at night with my trusty semi-rusted old typewriter… it makes a hell of a noise at two in the morning, hehehe *evil grin*
Talking with my friends on the phone… long distance.
Curling up on bed with a good book and then falling asleep.
Finishing reading a novel while taking a long bath… if you still wonder why it becomes a long bath after I wrote that down then you’re really hopeless.
Updating my blog when I have something more important to do.